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A breather

Yesterday, I was a hot mess. 

I’ve been pushing myself so. incredibly. hard. lately, in a lot of different aspects of my life. Yesterday, I realized that it just needed to STOP for a minute. 

It wasn’t that when I went to get water out of the fridge, there were NO bottled water and the filter pitcher was bone dry. Or that I forgot to pack a non-sports bra for work after Day 2 of weight lifting. Or, that my husband was feeling really ill after a day of volunteering so I had to come home early. 

It was just that I had nothing left. I sat at work, looked at my to-do list, and stressed out nearly to the point of tears. I got home so tense that my stomach hurt. After a few minutes with my boy, it subsided. But that’s not a healthy place to be. 

I spent last night working on things like preparing two dinners, because both had long prep/cook times, and I knew it wouldn’t be feasible to start cooking at 7:30 p.m. and not eat until 8:30 or 9 p.m. when my husband doesn’t eat all day at work. I prepped lunches for Eli and I. I cleaned out the dishwasher and tidied up the kitchen. 

I told myself I wasn’t going to run this morning. But, when I woke up at 5 a.m. while my husband got ready for work, I threw my workout clothes in the wash, rested a little longer, and got ready to get my son to daycare so I could run. 

I felt good, getting out on the walking path and seeing familiar faces. But, after my first interval, I realized the part of my brain that told me I needed a rest REALLY meant it. I didn’t get all the way through my first 90-second interval of running, so there was no way I could do five of them.

It wasn’t that my body was sore — I actually feel really good despite lifting yesterday. I think, honestly, it was just that the part of my brain that deals with focus needed a breather. I’m not going to spell it out, because I know that there are many supermoms that are doing more than I am, but I feel like EVERY minute of my life is planned out. I always have something I need to be doing, and it’s hard to relax like that. Even exercise, my “me” time, is strictly planned and feels like a to-do list item. 

So, this morning, when my two-mile run turned into a one-mile stroll, I accepted it and came home. My food is ready for the day, my son is at daycare, and I’m taking this opportunity to relax for a moment. Tomorrow, I’ll be back at the gym. But today, a breather is well earned. 


50 pounds and 1.74 miles

50 pounds. Nearly six gallons of milk, five pine two-by-fours or 10 bags of flour.

Any way you slice it, it’s big. And it’s gone.

On Monday, I officially hit -50 pounds from my highest weight since I’ve had gastric bypass. I bought a new scale on Monday (I haven’t had one in my house since January) and when I stepped on in the late afternoon, I was shocked to see the number: 281.6. Couldn’t be right.

You see, last week was pretty rough. My husband was in San Francisco all week, which left me to handle everything at home with my son. It didn’t go well. My house was a disaster the whole time, I barely cooked for myself. It was exhausting. I basically had a lifestyle hissyfit.

I only worked out once. I also tend to stress eat, and there were some great meals catered at work. I still tracked everything I ate, even though it was over my limit. I went over 2,000 calories every day last week.

And I lost 4.5 pounds as a result???

Yup. The next morning, the bathroom scale said 280.6, so I ran to the bariatric office I’ve been working with and theirs said 280.5. It’s sort of par for the course, as my weight loss has been very plateau-y. Go two or three weeks without any loss, then BAM! Five pounds down in one unremarkable week.

So, I’ve heard for my birthday that I’m getting a personal trainer session at the YMCA. With 50 pounds gone, I’m looking to turbocharge my routine and get the next 40 pounds to my first big goal off quick!

My next goal, 240, is the lowest I’ve gotten in my adult life; my post-surgery low. I feel like 40 pounds is a lot, but it’s crazy to realize I’m not that far away. I kept a bunch of Size 20 jeans, as well as Size 3-4 Right Fit jeans that I lived in at my first post-college job, when I was at my smallest.

Got into em yesterday. They weren’t quite comfortable (or good-looking) enough to wear out just yet, but they were on and zipped, and I could still breathe and move. It’s not that far. And I’m super excited.

I also ran for the first time this morning in a few months (since I broke my iPhone) and was able to get through the first day of Couch to 5K WITHOUT any unplanned walk break. I covered 1.74 miles, my legs didn’t hurt at all, and I was able to push through enough to get it done!

I’ve never been able to do that on my first day back, so it’s pretty exciting.

I haven’t the slightest idea where I’m getting the patience and enthusiasm to stick with this, but I’m having a blast riding the wave!


Beating myself

With a juvenile sense of humor, I feel obligated to disclaim that the title is NOT as dirty as it sounds!

I spent 2 1/2 weeks on a self-imposed plateau recently. Self-imposed, meaning, I was eating junk more than I should and exercising less than I should. Almost immediately after complaining to a coworker about it, it came to a screeching halt. Maybe it was because it sounded so ridiculous to me that I was mad to be stalled, while admitting in the same breath that I’m not working hard enough.

And so on Monday, I was stoked to see a 6.5 pound loss on the scale, and my second goal met.

So six weeks for about 12.5 pounds — not bad at all, seeing as how I’m shooting for 2 pounds per week. Once I quit defeating myself, I saw results almost instantly. Kinda eye-opening.

My reward for 287.5 pounds was a manicure/pedicure, which I haven’t scheduled yet. But, I likely will if I can find a buddy. I’ve had a manicure once or twice before, but never the whole shebang.

I was *so close* to making it to the gym five days this week, too, but sore quads and a hectic morning with the family today made it impossible to get there on time. So, tomorrow during my son’s nap time I’ll subject myself to a Jillian Michaels workout video that I bought on our Playstation.

I’ve also discovered that I have next to NO clothing — so if anyone has stuff in the low 20’s that they’re wanting to part with, I’d be more than willing to give it a good home 🙂


Roundup: Gizmos, goals and goofy workout videos

I haven’t been good at updating lately, but haven’t given up. Here’s what’s up:

GIZMOS: Recently through work, I came into possession of a BodyMedia Fit Core activity tracker arm band. When I got it, I really had no idea what it was. If you’re a fan of The Biggest Loser, it’s the arm band the contestants wore this past season, like Gina McDonald of Hoover who (shameless plug) was on Alabama Tonight recently to share some workout tips.


I’ll dish more once I’ve worn it longer, as it’s supposed to be able to adjust its algorithms and other doohickeys to your body. It’s already making me more aware that I need to get up from my desk and walk to get water, etc. more often at work.

I already tracked my food on MyFitnessPal which syncs with the BodyMedia Fit, so that’s still great — I actually just passed the 60 consecutive day mark of tracking my calories. (It’s not always pretty, but it’s always honest.)

It’s a little frustrating that Spinning and my weight lifting class at the YMCA don’t really register very well on it (Like 326 calories burned in an hour spin class that my heart rate monitor registered as 758 calories) despite rotating the placing on my arm — I could just wear my heart rate monitor instead of the BodyMedia Fit and add in the burned calories, but I’m inclined to just stick with the arm band. People are prone to overestimating their calories burned and underestimating their calories eaten, so whatever.


GOALS: I’ve only lost about 5 pounds since the last time I blogged. Whoop-de-doo. It happens. I’ve had some rough days with unplanned near-binges. I’ve had some days with planned splurges. I’ve recovered from all of them, I haven’t quit and I haven’t regained. So, score. Plus: Between my last two body composition readings (March 12 and April 9) there was a 9 lb. weight loss — and there was a 9 lb fat loss measured. So, working out is paying off. When it comes to cravings, finding sensible ways to deal with them, exercise, etc. I’m feeling mentally stronger than I have in a long time. It’s a nice change.


GOOFY WORKOUT VIDEOS: Oh. My. Gosh. I decided to give a shot to a rental workout video on Amazon Instant Video called Dance Off The Inches: Hip Hop Party. It was $2.99 to rent for 48 hours, so I thought it might be fun. I like having a little swagger in my step when working out, just makes me feel better and work harder. It made me sweat, but I felt like a dancing gorilla. A very, very white dancing gorilla. The music wasn’t very motivating — I can’t wait til they can invent one that you can plug your own music into if it’s the right bpm — the lady kept saying “this is that hip-hop move” or something like that. SO cheesy. But, the armband said I burned 426 calories in a 45-minute video. I have a Jillian Michaels one to try tomorrow, so yeah. Hopefully that’ll be better.

On being kind to myself

Life has been crazy lately, so posting has fallen on the wayside. I have not, however, fallen off the wagon!

SUCCESS: Goal 1, which was getting below 300 pounds, was obliterated March 19. The next week, I gained half a pound, I’m guessing due to water weight and other lovely stuff. Blah. But it didn’t really discourage me at all, which is a great attitude change for me.

I still feel huge some days. But, it helped to look at my old weight trackers. The last time I was at the weight I am now, it was between February and March 2011. The first time I got there was October 4, 2008 — four months after surgery. And of course, my highest tracked was 385, pre-surgery. (It was higher than that; I just refused to look.) I’m not far at all from being -100 since surgery, which is a good place to be. Being at the lowest I’ve been since surgery again will be even a better place to be. Being at my ultimate goal weight that I wanted when I had the surgery will be awesome. But being able to race after my son in the park and not worry about it will trump the hell out of anything that the scale could tell me — and THAT is WHY i had surgery in the first place.

SUCCESS: Realized the other day that my two pairs of jeans — sad, I know — don’t really fit anymore. So, off to the mall I went! (Funny note: I had to wear jeggings to go, because I was out of pants, and need a belt with them. In fact, I got to the last notch on my belt, and could have gone further.)

Not only did I get two new pairs of jeans, and a new wardrobe of underwear, but also spent about $125 on makeup to partially make good on my reward No. 1 of spending money on decent makeup and learning how to use it properly. (Part 2 coming soon)

Honestly? I feel better. I know it’s silly, but sometimes, little things like underwear and makeup can add a lot to self esteem. Enough to keep going with the lifestyle I’m trying to live when things are getting tough and I realize yet AGAIN that I don’t have enough calories today for a treat and don’t feel like working out.

Treating myself and being kind to myself is something that’s long been on the wayside. I’ve often restructured our budget so my husband could get new work clothes while I stayed in ones that weren’t terribly flattering on me, but worked. My response is always “We’ll make it happen,” whether it’s for my husband or my son. Sometimes, I need to give myself that answer, too. Hopefully I’m getting there.

Oh, workouts have also been going well. 🙂

SUCCESS: I can get through almost an entire series of ab workouts without having to rest, and my planks are getting much longer.

Oh and..

SUCCESS: I survived my first spinning class.

I went on Tuesday, and it was a great experience once it was over. There was a personal trainer in the class who noticed I was new, in addition to the teacher, and both kept a good eye on me during the class. They helped set up the bike, gave me a rundown of what to expect, made sure I wasn’t dead.

I heard two to three times that most people don’t stick out their first class. They leave after 30 minutes or so. I heard two or three times how awesome I was doing by just sticking it out. Which made me feel AWESOME. It was tough as hell. I didn’t do all the ups and downs and sprints and recoveries as much as everyone else, but I sat there (at times stood there) and peddled my ass off. (Which is still sore, four days later.) But, I’m going again.

I’ve discovered that when I find out I can’t physically do something, I don’t get discouraged anymore. I get pissed, and I keep at it until I can.

So, 23.5 pounds til my next goal is achieved. But I know I’ll see many more successes before then.

A little motivation goes a long way

So, yesterday at the YMCA, I weighed in and, to my dismay, I hadn’t dropped a pound from the week before. 

Today, I found out that the scale lied to me. In a good way. 

Since Feb. 18, I’ve lost 17.5 pounds, bringing me to a total of -29.5 pounds since last August. 

So take that, scale.

(I’m also 1.5 pounds away from Goal No. 1. SO CLOSE. I can’t wait.) 

There’s a lot more I can do this next month. I wasn’t working out regularly last month, as I was working almost all the time. The appointment today seemed to go really well; sort of a getting-back-on-track support group. It made me realize how vital it is for me personally to have a support system. So, I’m sticking with it.

Next challenge — vitamins.

I wouldn’t call it a moment of “weakness”

I won’t beat around the bush — I went over my calories for the day. Wah wah, stop the presses, my life is over, where’s the gelato?

Yeah, notsomuch.

In the last 2 1/2 weeks of tracking calories, I’ve gone over four times: 20 calories Saturday, 124 calories Monday, 5 calories yesterday and 203 calories today.

It makes sense — I’m a stress eater and I just launched a new website at work this week. And today, I ate a catered lunch at work and indulged in two cookies — for about the number of calories I was over. I know what I did wrong, and I’m not stressing it.

Wanna know why? Because after having binges of over 1,000 calories somewhat regularly, 200 is nothing. Sure, I can’t do it all the time. But I think a cookie here and there could prevent me eating a dozen in one sitting down the road.

I was also pretty proud of myself at dinner. We went to Ruby Tuesday, and I ended up with a petite sirloin, mashed cauliflower instead of potatoes, and roasted spaghetti squash. The other day at Moe’s, I had half of a burrito bowl with no rice. I keep surprising myself eating out and making good choices.

Everyone slips up now and then. I’m not letting myself get defeated by 200 calories. I’m worth a whole lot more than that.